


Ghosts

by aveyune23



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Consensual Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 03:46:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13539030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aveyune23/pseuds/aveyune23
Summary: ”I don’t feel it til it hurts sometimes / Oh, go on, baby, hurt me tonight / All the spirits that I know, I saw / Do you see no ghost in me at all?”Cassian returns from a mission with a ghost. Jyn helps him drive it away.





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> This story is sort of out of the blue, and will eventually be added to my series “Out of the Wilderness,” but my brain jumped the gun on that progression, and I need to finish writing something that will go before this before I add THIS story to that series. SO: please enjoy “Ghosts” as a stand-alone for now, or if you’re familiar with my series, just know that there IS a transition between “Vacancy” and this, I just haven’t finished it yet ^^
> 
> Lyrics in the summary are taken from the song “Love Like Ghosts” by Lord Huron.
> 
> Rated E for sexual content.
> 
> Please enjoy.

He trudged through the cold halls like he was asleep. He might as well have been. He hadn’t slept in almost two days.

His feet carried him through Echo Base on autopilot, knowing the way better than his exhausted mind did. He wanted desperately to fall into his bed and not wake for a week, but he knew that was likely impossible.

He never slept well after missions like this.

He knew that as soon as he closed his eyes he would see the face of the weapons dealer he had killed — his target, a man who had been working both sides, who had sold Rebel secrets to the Empire and had gotten two dozen good soldiers killed when they were ambushed on a supply run. The hit had been warranted, and Cassian hadn’t hesitated when pulling the trigger. But all of his targets had a tendency to stick with him, lingering like ghosts out of the corner of his eye, whispering to him as he tried to sleep.

No, he wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.

He thought about comming Jyn. No doubt she would be in the barracks, since he had been off-base — they tried to keep at least some semblance of propriety when one of them was gone. But he knew she slept with the commlink he had given her in her hand, in case he called. If he called her now, she would come, without hesitation. She always did.

He reached his quarters and punched in the code, the hiss of the door sounding unnaturally loud as it slid open. He muttered “low lights” as he stepped in and dropped his bag on the floor, and the blankets on his bed moved, surprising him only enough to make him inhale sharply and widen his eyes. He sighed when Jyn rolled over, her eyes squinting against the light of the lamp.

”You’re back,” she said, her voice rough with sleep. She was wearing one of his shirts. Her hair was a mess, smashed flat on one side, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked like she hadn’t gotten much sleep since he’d been gone.

She looked like home.

He nodded, peeling off his coat and moving to the side of the bed so that he could sit down and take off his boots. Her hand came to rest on his back, and she sat up, pressing her lips to his shoulder. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, let his head fall to the side to rest on hers, and closed his eyes. A face appeared, in crosshairs. His eyes shot open and he pulled away.

”What is it?” she asked, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. He shook his head.

”Just tired,” he lied, and stood so that he could change out of his clothes. Jyn watched him from the bed, her eyes scanning him, checking for any signs of injury. He caught her looking.

”I’m fine.”

She gave him a small nod and moved over when he came back to the bed, lifting the blankets and tucking him in close to her. Her arms went around him, and he laid his head on her chest, his hand settling on her ribs so that he could feel the rise and fall of her breath. His body grew heavy, and sleep tugged at him, but the ghost hovered next to the bed, whispering.

Jyn felt him tense.

”Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked quietly. He sighed and pulled away so that he could sit up. His elbows went to his knees and he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes before dragging them down his face. She appeared at his side, her brows drawn together in concern.

”Cassian...”

”I always see their face,” he croaked. “After.” His fingers picked at the lint on the blanket. “He deserved it. People died because of him. Good people. But —“ He swallowed. “But every time, when I close my eyes...”

She nodded, understanding what he was trying to say. “What can I do?”

”I don’t know,” was his broken reply. “I don’t—“ He wiped his hand over his face again, as though he were trying to wipe the blood of his target away.

”Hey.” She touched his cheek and turned his head towards her. Her eyes searched his face, and she kissed his forehead, and then his lips, her mouth soft. A choked sound escaped his throat, and he kissed her back, matching her softness at first, but something black and hollow had taken root in his chest, and he found himself pressing his lips to hers hard enough to bruise. He brought his hands to the sides of her face, dug his fingers in her hair. She gasped, and he plunged his tongue into her mouth, like he was trying to taste her light, the peace that she offered. She moaned into his mouth, her hands flexing against his chest. It made him pull away like he’d been shocked. His heart was racing. The dark thing in his chest was trying to climb up his throat. It made the edges of his vision go black.

”Cassian?”

She was looking at him with worried eyes. How could he tell her that he needed her? That he wanted her to open her chest so that he could climb inside? How he needed her hands to wipe the blood from him, her mouth to kiss his soul clean?

”I—“ was all he managed.

But she seemed to understand, because she kissed him again, hard enough that he could feel her teeth. Something broke inside of him, and a strangled noise came out of his mouth. She took it from him, swallowed his pain, kissed it away. He felt tears hot on his cheeks, and a small, distant part of him wondered  _why? Why this death?_ What was it about this mission that messed him up so much? He’d been ordered hits before, dozens of times, and each one had left him drained, but not broken. So why this one? Was it because it was the first one since Scarif, since Jyn? That struck a chord, had to be it. He had felt himself changed, had allowed himself to see the damage those missions had done, and had thought he was starting to heal. But one shot — and he was bleeding out again, his edges more jagged than ever.

He wanted to tell Jyn to be careful, to watch out for the sharp pieces as she held him in her hands, but she wasn’t afraid of getting hurt. She gripped his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin, and she kissed him like she knew that he needed ferocity and fire.

He wanted to ask if she understood, if she knew the blackness that came from killing someone with a face. But he knew that she did. She was in the same war he was. No one came out unscathed.

”Jyn,” he gasped between breaths. She pulled away enough to meet his eyes, and when she saw the tear tracks on his cheeks she gently wiped them away.

”What do you need?” she whispered, her palms cupping his face.

He closed his eyes, and breathed, “You.”

She nodded, pressed her forehead against his, and pushed the blankets away and swung her leg across his, coming to straddle his lap. His hands went to her hips as she rose above him, his head falling to the space between her breasts, and he took a deep breath.

She tilted his head up to hers and kissed him, her tongue darting out to taste him, and he opened his mouth to her, letting her nip at his bottom lip, and when she bit down he groaned. His fingers found the buttons of the shirt she wore, went to work on undoing them as fast as he could, aching to feel her skin against his, one by one, until he could spread the fabric open and take her breasts in his hands. Her head fell back and he pressed his lips to the skin of her neck, dragged his teeth over her pulse and trailed his tongue down to her collarbone. His hands slid to her back, pulling her closer, his mouth falling to her breast. She moaned when he took her nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. Her hips rolled, grinding against him, and his jaw dropped, eyes clenched shut. He dug his fingertips into her hips, urging her forward, then back, then forward again, setting a rhythm that quickly became too much. Cassian groaned against her chest, and in one quick move flipped them on the bed so that she was beneath him. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him down to her, setting her teeth into his neck hard enough to leave a mark. Her nails were sharp in his back, scraping angry red lines down his skin.

The black thing in his chest raged, banged against his ribs. He needed to bury himself in her skin, needed to have her burn beneath him, around him, needed the heat of her to cauterize the hole in him.

He wouldn’t be gentle. Couldn’t be.

He sat back, yanked her underwear off, resettled between her legs and reached down, pulled himself from his briefs. He spat into his hand, rubbed it over her entrance, and her hips jerked up when his fingers dipped inside her. Her hand went between them and she spread herself open, and he thrust into her with a groan. His head fell to her neck.

”I can’t—“ he began, wanting desperately to just fuck her until he couldn’t think about anything but the way she felt around him.

She wrapped her legs around his hips, and nipped at his earlobe before murmuring, “Fuck me, Cassian. Please.”

He growled against her skin and held himself over her, pulled back and then pushed forward, hard, and again, and again. She lifted her hips, tried to meet him stroke for stroke, but he pinned her to the bed, taking her wrists and putting them over her head, gripping them in a vice. Her mouth hung open in a silent moan, her eyes shut. She fought against his grip, desperate to move against him, with him, but he held her down. He was relentless, burying himself in her over and over, his breath harsh. The sight of her pinned beneath him, her head thrown back as he pounded into her, set his blood flaming through his veins.

The black thing began to dissipate.

He let go of her wrists and sat back on his heels, pulling her hips up, and they both moaned at the new angle.

”Cassian,” she keened. “Please—“

He sped up his pace, flashes of light starting to appear in his vision. He pressed his thumb to her, making her suck in a breath and let it out in a low moan. “Fuck,” she groaned, and she replaced his hand with hers, moving her fingers in practiced circles until she was panting, shaking, her whole body tense. His fingers were gripping her hips hard enough to bruise.

And then her whole body went rigid with a sharp gasp, and he felt her clench around him. His hips jerked once, twice, and then he was collapsing on top of her as his vision went white. Her arms were around him, and her legs, holding him close, still, as they shook, trembled. His heartbeat was deafening. He could feel hers under his chest, and around him, where they were still joined. He pressed his face into her neck, his lips on the spot beneath her ear, not kissing her, just touching, connecting.

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, but eventually the shaking stopped, and he pushed himself off of her, separating, and lay on the bed beside her. She sat up and crawled off the bed, giving him a peck on the cheek before walking to the ‘fresher. The door slid closed, and he heard her washing up. He closed his eyes, looking inward.

The ghost was gone.

Jyn brought him a towel. He wiped the sweat from his face before cleaning himself off.

”Are you alright?” she asked him after she had tucked herself back into bed.

He nodded. “Yes. I — thank you.”

She smiled up at him. “For what?”

He lay back on the pillow. “For... everything.”

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re welcome,” she told him, and settled down next to him. She was asleep in seconds.

Cassian sighed and pulled her close, feeling the broken bits of himself realign and come together.

”I love you,” he whispered into her hair. She hummed against his chest and her arm tightened around him, and he closed his eyes, laying the ghost to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. As always, comments are never expected but always appreciated.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @kotaface for drabbles, previews of future works, or just to chat.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> ~Avey


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